I think I'm going to Hell
So I stopped into `Famous Foods' to pick up some produce for dinner. The small store was fairly crowded with the usual assortment of neo-granola-post-environmentalist nature food freaks,nothing new there, I guess I fit right in with them. Anyway, as I'm making the rounds, picking up this and that I noticed an older (60ish) woman with a tweed coat and 40's style hat, she was not shopping, but approaching everyone she met down the isles asking them if they had "accepted Jesus into their hearts."Christ
, I thought to myself, then laughed out loud at my unintentional pun.
The woman made several attempts to make eye contact with me. I moved quickly down the isles, pretending to be in a hurry and that I didn't notice her. This worked quite well until I got to the check out and realized that she had beaten me there.... There was only one check out open, and she was right in front of me.Shit...
As I loaded my food onto the revolving table by the till, she turned to me and said:
"Excuse me young man, but have you accepted Jesus into your heart?"
"You bet," I said cheerfully
She looked at me sideways, as if trying to decide weather to believe me or not.
"As your lord and savior?" she probed.
"Oh yes," I said, "just like it says in Deuteronomy"
That seemed to prove it to her and she smiled broadly,and turned back to her groceries.
I couldn't help it:
" I said in a whisper as she turned away.
The lady turned around quickly
"What did you say?"
"What?" I said with my most innocent face
"Did you say something just now?" she asked, accusingly.
"No, I don't think so" I tried to give her my best `I think you might be hearing things' look.
It seemed to work because her face went a slight shade of red and she turned around without saying anything else.After she had paid and was picking up her bag of food she again, turned and looked at me. I smiled warmly and said, " Have a great day".
She did not smile back, she turned and began to walk away.
" I said again, slightly louder than before.
The woman stopped, but did not turn around. She stood there for what seemed like an hour, as if she was waiting for some sort of divine intervention. The pierced girl at the check out was trying not to
laugh and we shared a smile as she rang up my purchase.
"That woman is in here all the time, she bugs me" said the check out girl
"Yeah, religious zealots are a pain in the ass" I replied
I paid for my food and walked past the old woman who was still standing,still as a statue.
" I whispered, quickly as I passed her and started up the stair to the street.
All I heard as I left the store was the old lady belting out the first chorus of "Glory, Hallelujah".
I giggled all the way home.
Posted by brynwilliams27
at 3:47 PM PST
Updated: Wednesday, 9 February 2005 7:33 PM PST