Family Fun


My Little Mr. is getting so big. It makes me sad in a strange way, I'm excited about all the new things he can say and do, but the more he learns the less he needs us... ahhh the first of many post-modern-parental-pre-nostalgic musings about the coming of age of a special little boy. His mama's not so bad either, actually she's pretty hot, I mean pretty and hot.

Stupid things are cool
It's funny, the little victory's seem to be so much sweeter than grander ideals like "health" and "happiness"... but I've wandered... here we go:

barenaked.net is a web community dedicated to Canadian indi-kings, Barenaked Ladies. Anyway, they were asking for submissions of Barenaked Ladies Cover songsto use for a "charity tribute alb um" called 'naked under the covers', so I whipped together an acoustic version of "wrap your arms around me" (my favorite BNL song BTW) and I submitted it.

They Want TO Use it...

cool

Right now It's only a mp3 on some tribute website, but it made me feel...

cool

And in my line of work, you don't feel cool very often, so I pumped my fist "tiger woods style" when my song appeared... I wonder if anyone will hear it? That would be...


Cool

I think my song is the coolest...
what do you think?

My Song
My Song



Stay Naked

Homealonley
Mood:  blue
Without the people that make it a home, this is just a house, and I am just myself. At lest it's only for a little while.

Out of the Pig sty and into the Fire
Mood:  incredulous
Oh my dear lord,

Did you know crack whores breed at an alarming rate? You think You just have one, and then a whole crew of them show up, with a car with no plates, stacked to the gills with garbage. I feel like that crocodile hunter guy " criky, look at that, thats a BEAUTIFUL specimen of a crack whore, lets toss a little rock over to her pipe, and yes! a whole slew of them are living under that garbage pile, really rare".

The good news is, my neighbor cleaned up his garbage. But the bad news is there are now 3 vehicles sitting in his back yard full of garbage and crack whores.

One step forward, two steps crack, um...back I mean.

Stay chilly

Mr. Rogers never lived next to a pig and his crack whore
Mood:  irritated
My 70ish year old neighbor is the biggest pig in the world. He leaves piles of rotting garbage all over his disgusting yard and all the crap is drifting right where my son plays, in our FRONT YARD. I've called the health department, but the bureaucratic nonsense isdriving me up the fucking wall. Today I found an empty bottle of Methadone on my lawn, nice. Oh yeah did I mention this dude has a crack whore living with him, usually the term "crack whore" is just an expression, but she really smokes crack in the backyard, and she hooks out on Kingsway.

"won't you be my neighbor?"

I think I'm going to Hell
So I stopped into `Famous Foods' to pick up some produce for dinner. The small store was fairly crowded with the usual assortment of neo-granola-post-environmentalist nature food freaks,nothing new there, I guess I fit right in with them. Anyway, as I'm making the rounds, picking up this and that I noticed an older (60ish) woman with a tweed coat and 40's style hat, she was not shopping, but approaching everyone she met down the isles asking them if they had "accepted Jesus into their hearts."

Christ, I thought to myself, then laughed out loud at my unintentional pun.

The woman made several attempts to make eye contact with me. I moved quickly down the isles, pretending to be in a hurry and that I didn't notice her. This worked quite well until I got to the check out and realized that she had beaten me there.... There was only one check out open, and she was right in front of me.

Shit...
As I loaded my food onto the revolving table by the till, she turned to me and said:

"Excuse me young man, but have you accepted Jesus into your heart?"
"You bet," I said cheerfully

She looked at me sideways, as if trying to decide weather to believe me or not.

"As your lord and savior?" she probed.
"Oh yes," I said, "just like it says in Deuteronomy"

That seemed to prove it to her and she smiled broadly,and turned back to her groceries.

I couldn't help it:

"Satan" I said in a whisper as she turned away.

The lady turned around quickly

"What did you say?"
"What?" I said with my most innocent face
"Did you say something just now?" she asked, accusingly.
"No, I don't think so" I tried to give her my best `I think you might be hearing things' look.

It seemed to work because her face went a slight shade of red and she turned around without saying anything else.After she had paid and was picking up her bag of food she again, turned and looked at me. I smiled warmly and said, " Have a great day".
She did not smile back, she turned and began to walk away.

"Satan" I said again, slightly louder than before.

The woman stopped, but did not turn around. She stood there for what seemed like an hour, as if she was waiting for some sort of divine intervention. The pierced girl at the check out was trying not to
laugh and we shared a smile as she rang up my purchase.

"That woman is in here all the time, she bugs me" said the check out girl
"Yeah, religious zealots are a pain in the ass" I replied

I paid for my food and walked past the old woman who was still standing,still as a statue.

"Satan" I whispered, quickly as I passed her and started up the stair to the street.

All I heard as I left the store was the old lady belting out the first chorus of "Glory, Hallelujah".

I giggled all the way home.

Why say it when Jim already did?
"I'm Addicted to stress
its the way that i get things done
if im not under pressure then i sleep too long
and i hang around like a bum
and i think im goin nowhere and that makes me nervous...

tryin to cut down on my caffeine consumption so when I get up I just have one cup of coffee and I'd like to have another cup of coffee with my breakfast and on the way to work I like to get a cup of coffee I like the kind of cup of coffee you get with youre donuts but I never get the donut I just have the cup of coffee and when i get to work I have a cup of coffee cause I like a cup of coffee when im talking on the phone but it usually gets cold and I need to get another cup of coffee and its lunch and I have an espresso"

-Jims Big Ego, "Stress"

I love coffee
B

Little Joys for litte Boys
My little Mister has an ear infection. Nothing too serious, just enough to make him cranky and tired, and his parents too. But on a brighter note: I love weekends, the only problem is I never have enough time to do all the nothing I want to get done. It seems like there is always something, well I guess even nothing is something, now I sound like Seinfeld. Still no songs yet. Hopefully the wet noodle of inspiration will slap my lips as I suck it in, soon. Metaphors were never my strong suit. I've been listening to a lot of Howie Day and Matt Nathanson, who rock... maybe some will rub off on me.

"Out of the doubt that fills my mind,
I finally find, that you and I collide"
-Howie Day, "Collide"

Stay, staying alive

B

She's Mine and You Can't Have Her
I love my wife. I mean I really really love my wife. I never thought that I would be with someone who is so caring, giving, smart, funny (in a sexy way and sexy in a funny way), beautiful, artistic, maternal and FUN. All I can say is that I must have done something really good in a past life to end up with someone like Joanna. And NO, I'm not in the "dog house" trying to flatter my way out. "I'm just a fool, a fool in love.."

I wish the same for all of you.

B

Did I tell you? My luck SUCKS

I've been playing in a regular poker league (the
"gentleman's poker league") for the last few months and I can't believe how bad my luck has been. When I play at home with my wife, or by myself, I get GREAT cards,we're talking full houses, straits, flushes, you name it. I go to play for REAL money and the best I can come up with all night is two lousy pairs: 8's and 4's.

What's the old saying, "if I didn't't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all". So far I've lost lots of $ every time I've played. The worst part is I can't really afford to keep loosing, so I keep telling myself that "this is my week, I'll make it all back this week" - spoken like a true fool who wants to be parted with his money.

I've got an improv gig tonight at the Douglas College Theatre: the spooky part is that I WENT to DC about 11 years ago and have not been back since then (because New West is a stinky armpit of a city and should be washed into the Fraser river... IMHO). You know what I miss about new west? All the CLASSY strip clubs like "Mug's and Jug's" boy those New Westministerites know how to treat their ladies.

Well I think that's about it for right now, stay in
tune and keep kicking it acoustic.

B